Why I don’t believe “love can conquer all”

Last night in Part 1 of the season finale of the bachelor, front-runner Madison Prewett left the show after a dramatic back-and-forth with bachelor, Peter Weber. The couple was fighting about the fact that Weber had slept with the other two women left on the show, as this went against Prewett’s religious beliefs. Weber was practically begging Prewett not to leave because it was apparent she was the girl he planned to propose to at the end. In Weber’s pleas, he kept bringing up a phrase that honestly irks me so much; “Love can conquer all.”

I am a cheesy romantic. I love romance novels and live for romcoms. I would love to believe that love can conquer all but I just don’t see it that way. I had a teacher in high school that had a seemingly perfect marriage. After hearing tons of stories about our teacher’s wife, my friends and I asked him if he believed his wife was his soulmate. To which he replied, “Absolutely not. I do not believe in soulmates or one true love.” I was SHOCKED. If any man was to believe in soulmates it was this teacher. The way he talked about his wife was something out of a movie. But he did not believe in soulmates because he believed relationships take real work. 

I understand that the general idea of “love can conquer all” is rooted in the idea that relationships take work, but I believe people often use this phrase to justify shitty relationships. For example, I use to say this all the time about my ex. We broke up for a few days about every 3 months throughout college and then would get back together. He cheated on me multiple times and during a longer break, I dated one of his best friends. It was an unhealthy relationship, to say the least. Even though everyone would constantly tell me how bad we were for each other, I continued to believe I loved him enough we could get through things. I truly loved that boy and I believe he loved me too, BUT love could never have made up for what we lacked: trust, respect, and shared values. 

What I do believe can conquer all is shared morals and values. I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on love, but I do draw inspiration from my favorite couple in the world: my boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law. I hope that when I am married I have the same love and excitement they have for one another daily. Their love is rooted in their shared faith and that faith has kept them strong throughout the years. I think the solid base between my boyfriend and me is our shared belief in the importance of family. We fit into one another’s family like we were born to be a part of it. When we go too long without seeing his family I crave time with them. He and my dad are best friends and can go on boy’s trips without me. I believe that this bonds us to one another in a way that love on its own cannot.

For Madison and Peter, their different views on faith and premarital sex are, in my opinion, too much of a division. Like Peter’s mom pointed out, you never want to be with someone who you have to compromise your morals for. True, some relationships can work because of a deep love for one another. Maybe you and your SO have overcome a ton of moral differences because you love each other so much. If that’s the case hold onto that one, they are special. But for a lot of relationships love is not the problem. Everyday people that love each other so much break up. I have to believe that it has to do with a lack of something else on a deeper level. 

When it comes down to it every relationship is hard work. There’s never going to be a perfect couple that doesn’t fight and lives happily ever after. But I do believe that having shared values can carry you through hard times. This, coupled with love and respect, can truly conquer all.

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